Shabby Miss Jenn

Monday, November 15, 2010

An Emotion Filled Weekend









This weekend was full of many different emotions, so I felt I should blog about it.  ( FYI- overload of photos on this blog post )

Friday was a very eventful, exciting, adventurous and spontaneous day!  A day, I will surly never forget.  Jeremy called me and told me he wasn’t too busy at work and was going to come home early afternoon.  ( I was so thrilled, because I am home by myself everyday with the doggies piddling around with my projects or doing laundry haha ). 

“Are you ready?!” – Jeremy says after bursting into our bedroom at 1:00 P.M.  “Ready? Ready for what?” – I said with a look of confusion on my face.  “We are going to the metro” – He replied.  “The metro?  Where are we going?” – I said again, very confused.  “I don’t know.  I thought we could hop on the metro and get off when we felt like it”- He then said with this HUGE smile planted on his face.  (Spontaneity, I LOVE IT) So, I then hurried to pull my hair back through on some cleans, that didn’t smell of bleach from cleaning the bathroom, and off we went to start our adventure on the metro.  ( You see, the metro is cheap fun!  6.00 buys you an all day pass!)

Once we got onto the metro, we sat down, looked at each other and decided to get off at union station (this is the very last stop 45 min ride!).  Our plan, which wasn’t much of a plan at all, consisted of back tracking and hitting every single stop back home.  I was super excited, and thrilled that he had planned such a spontaneous adventure for us.   

      I compiled our adventure into photos, take a looksee!




Our first stop off the metro, Union Station!  The beauty and history at this amazing train station is so unreal! When we stepped off the metro, my mouth dropped.  This, is a place everyone must visit simply for the history and beauty.  I honestly felt like I was in an old movie walking through this train station while we were trying to find the right place to exit!

shot_1289600188139shot_1289602945046shot_1289602957591Our stop at Union Station took us to Olvera Street.  OMGoodness, what an amazing place!  Again, I was kicking myself for not knowing this place existed or ever taking an adventure to experience it!  ( We live 6 miles from here! )  Olvera Street is like experiencing another country.  Right when we approached the top of the hill, we heard harps playing and different cultured music.  The road was made of old brick, unique old trees lines the streets and the world seemed to stop around me.  I couldn’t take in enough of the beauty which was all around us.  This place was simply breath taking! 

shot_1289601672483shot_1289600538592shot_1289602251825Still on Olvera Street, we decided we were starving so we stopped into an authentic Mexican restaurant.  This restaurant held so much history and the people there were very friendly not to mention the food was to die for!  When we sat down, we were approached by a mariachi band who began to serenade us!  That was it, I was now hooked on Olvera Street bound and determined to come back again one day!  Jeremy ordered a margarita (his favorite)!  And said to me, “This, hands down, is the best margarita I have ever had!”  Of course he made me try it, and oh my it was (I don’t like margaritas!)  After our amazing lunch, we decided to live it up and both take a shot of tequila, but not just ANY tequila!  This tequila was called, Sombre.  Holy monkeys, it had so many flavors it was un real! Off we went to experience more of what Los Angeles has been hiding from us!


Did I mention after our lunch date in Mexico, we became pretty tipsy!  ( I never drink, so this one tequila shot put me down for the count! ) Yikes! So, we found a bench and decided to people watch for a bit!  While we sat I began to realize why I have only worn these oh so cute shoes once.  They hurt!  Walking down the street we saw a person selling hats!  So, of course we had to do a mini photo shoot.  ( my new photo project will involve hats, I am super excited for it! )

P.S. Have I told you how much that man means to me?

After our people watching, we took off back to the metro!  Where were we going?  We had no idea!  The next stop on the metro did not ring a bell to either of us, so riding the escalator up was a BIG surprise!  Hello, Downtown Los Angeles! 



Next Stop:  Hollywood!  We stopped into a swap and meet, this was an experience lol!  And, made our way to the shopping district where we stumbled into American Eagle, why? I don’t have an answer but it sure was fun!  We then proceeded to try on EVERY single hat they had to offer us.  This hat was Jeremy’s favorite!  Then, we went to the Nestle store where Jeremy MADE me try a fresh chocolate cookie pie.  Uhm, delicious!

Sadly, our metro adventure was coming to an end.  This day, for me, was one of my favorites thus far!  And, I can’t wait to do it again in the opposite direction! 


IMG_0258Meet Lola, I call her Lo for short.  She was born September 1st 2007 and this was such an amazing day for me. 

100_1782Lo’s mother surprised us with more great news in 2009 with another bundle of joy, her name is Olivia and goes by Livy for short.  I was not able to be there for the birth of Livy, and sadly I don’t have much relationship with her due to living in California.  These two babies are my world. 

( I debated for a while if I should share this with the whole world, but this is my life and this is my blog where I will share my creations, struggles and dreams. So, I decided to share. Everything can’t always be perfect, even though I strive for it to be, and you can’t have it all, right?)

You see, growing up I knew what my purpose in life was.  I was to be a mother, but not just a normal mom; a very great mother.  I remember playing house when I was little and always being the mom, and to this day people tell me I act like a mom.  I love caring for people, and making sure everyone’s needs are met.  Making others happy makes me happy, and what a gift to have. 

I always thought I would be the first daughter to give my parents grandchildren, but my oldest sister beat me to it.  Then I met Jeremy, and I knew right from the start he would be an amazing father and we shared all of the same views regarding children.  We began planning when we would start trying (2 years from our engagement), and dreaming of the things we would do with them and for them.  Jeremy would talk to me about children like we already had them, or like I was pregnant.  It was the cutest thing.  His face lit up every time we talked about our future children, or when he was around other children.  He is amazing with kids, and it melted my heart.

Last year I went to the doctor and was told I may not be able to have children, but this was coming from a doctor I was not fond of and she really didn’t have much basis to go on.  Shoot, I wasn’t even there to know if I was able to conceive, this appointment was simply a follow up for my blood tests.  ( I have a weak immune system ). 

Saturday, November 13th 2010 I will never forget. Ever.  I went to the “lady” doctor for some concerning pain in my abdomen.  She proceeded to do all of the normal check ups most woman get done every year, well I haven’t  been since I was 16. ( Shame on me ). 

I will never forget the look on her face when she looked up at me.  It was a face of concern, and then she muttered under her breath the bad news.  Endometriosis.  I laid back down and let the tears start to roll down my face. You see, before she started my check up, I explained all of my symptoms and she advised me it sounded like endometriosis.  At that time, I shock my head and told myself, “No way.  That can’t be it.  It is probably something small, but definitely no endometriosis.” 

The doctor then proceeded to tell me that she couldn’t give me a sure diagnosis right there and I would need to seek out a specialist, but she was 98% positive.  If her telling me I had endometriosis wasn’t enough, she threw on more bad news.  Not only did I possibly have endometriosis (which explains why we still haven’t had a baby), but my cervix were completely covered in scar tissue and I had PID (pelvic inflammatory disease).  More tears fell, and I began to uncontrollably cry.  She didn’t forget to let me know I may also be infertile, really?  Anything else?   

Jeremy and I had talked about the possibility of us not being able to get pregnant.  But, this was just a possibility not a sure fact in your face from a doctor.  The doctor asked if I wanted to talk to someone, but I didn’t.  All I wanted to do was curl into a tiny ball and cry.cry.cry until I couldn’t cry anymore.  I went to my car, and sure enough I cried. I cried for a good 45 minutes.  I was not prepared to hear this yet, I knew it was a possibility but I never dreamt it to  be a reality.

My first thought was, how do I tell Jeremy?  What do I say? Will he still love me?  We are getting married!  Does this make me a failure?  Why do I deserve this?  What have I done?  Why has my womanhood be robbed from me, and how on earth can I get it back?  Is there a cure?  Why don’t I get the opportunity to feel a child growing inside me?  And why will I never get to hear my babies first cry? 

I get it.  I know what you’re all going to say.  “You can still have a baby, Erienne.  There are plenty of children who need to be adopted.”  NO!  That’s not what I have always dreamt of.  Not to be insensitive, but I want to experience what you all get to.  I want my own child.  (  We will adopt one day, and who ever we decide to adopt will have the best mother and father there ever was.  I will make sure of it. )

This road is still rocky, and I know Jeremy and I will conquer this.  It will take time for me, and I will find a way to mourn my loss.  But for now, I will move forward and clean, clean and clean.  If I don’t get to be a great mother, at least I can be a great wife.  And this is what I plan to be.  A GREAT WIFE.  

This, was my Saturday. 


Saturday ended (thank goodness), and I awoke in a decent mood trying not to focus on what occurred the day previous.  I decided to make home made cinnamon rolls for my boys, I knew they would appreciate this.  So, off to the kitchen I went at 7:00 A.M.  and rolled out my dough. 


               People keep asking me for this recipe so here it is!

                                        Easy Cinnamon Rolls

Two loves frozen bread

1 Cup Brown Sugar
2 Tablespoons Cinnamon
1/2 Cup Walnuts (if you like nuts)

1/4 Cup Melted Butter

2 Cups Powdered Sugar
3 Tablespoons Milk

- Prepare your frozen bread the night before by placing it under a kitchen towel to rise (this is very important!)
- Sprinkle flour on your cooking surface and roll out the dough (combine both loves together by kneading them) this may take about 45 minutes.
- Roll the dough into a large rectangle
-Brush the dough with your melted butter (make sure to save some of the butter)
-Combine brown sugar and cinnamon into a bowl
-Sprinkle your dry mixture all over the dough (add walnuts if you wish)
-Roll the dough into a jelly roll width wise and use a sharp knife to cut your rolls. (I like to make big ones and smaller ones!)

-Use the extra melted butter and drizzle it over the rolls
-Pop them into the oven at 350 degrees, or until golden brown

To make the frosting:

-Combine Powdered Sugar and milk, stir until thick.

So, this was my weekend.  It was full of emotion but ended on a good note.  This blog was long, I apologize and if you read the whole thing, kudos!

Picture 14

1 comment:

  1. Erienne I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. I really have no idea how hard that news would be to hear. Being a mom to 3 kids under 3 is really really hard and I just want to quit being a mom somedays if I'm honest. Thanks for sharing your experience... it was like a slap in the face of reality and a huge reminder to me that I need to be so grateful for what I have. You will be a fabulous mom someday to a lucky baby! Who knows why we are given the trials that we are... Yours seems to be a bigger burden to bear than most other peoples but thats just because God knows you are strong enough to get through it :-)

    ps those cinnamon rolls look soooo good!